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[23 Dec 2009|11:54pm] |
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the pearls weren't really white, they were a warm oyster beige, with little knots in between so if they broke, you only lost one. I wished my life could be like that, knotted up so that even if something broke, the whole thing wouldn't come apart.
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[23 Dec 2009|11:40pm] |
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you'll be sick or feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. it won't matter. out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll realize things are not how you perceived them to be at all. for some reason, you will no longer be the person you believed you once were. you'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, more importantly shifts in you. worse, you'll realize it's always shifting, like a shimmer. but you won't understand why or how.
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[23 Dec 2009|02:16am] |
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ugh. tonight i got in a car wreck. it wasn't that bad but still was more of an impact with another car than i've had before. my car looks ghetto as fuck now. missing hubcap, cracked bumper, cracked lights and dents. gotta love it. almost as much as i love being on academic/financial aid probation. both are really great aspects of my life.
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| on a seperate note |
[22 Dec 2009|04:57am] |
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i've grown bitterly exhausted from the way people use the convenience of the internet as a substitute for actual human connection. i do not wish to meet all my friends online, and pretend like we are such good friends when in reality you will hardly ever know them. it's easy to act like you're best friends with someone online. but then you spend time with them in person and then you realize this person isn't who you thought they were. apparently accepting a stranger's friend request is equivalent to knowing them enough to hand out your phone number. apparently meeting somebody without a formal introduction is still an invitation to add me on social networking websites and talk to me like we've known each other forever. sure, okay, that's just the world we're living in. well i think it's more of a shield that people use to hide behind and i no longer wish to be apart of that bullshit. with each page refresh i find myself more and more confused as to why i really care about what so and so is doing at the moment, and every other fleeting thought that they feel necessary to make sure everyone knows. it's odd, i mean for the most part computers and internet have always been really interesting to me. and it's strange to imagine my life without that. it's just always been a second nature thing. which i feel is common for generation. it's more than that, though. it's the way we now get in touch with people and come to know things. it's as if the internet is a replacement for real life. in fact, that's exactly what it is. i miss how you had to once go out of your way to get in touch with someone. rather than leaving them a comment, or tweeting at them. and all of your mutual friends can be there to witness it. it's really embarrassing just how much useless knowledge of random stranger's lives i have gained. it's just one more addition in the gap between my disconnection from the world.
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[22 Dec 2009|04:40am] |
this movie explains who i am
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[18 Dec 2009|01:44pm] |
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shopping is all i've done for the past few days. more like trying to. i hate shopping more than anything. this year doesn't feel like christmas at all. no surprise to me, since i no longer seem to have emotional connection to anything anymore.
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[15 Dec 2009|02:34pm] |
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every new person i meet is worse than the last.
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